Chapter 19: You Won't Even Notice

 A mask slips
Strings are pulled.
The stage is set.
Christina travels to Silencia.

************
Day 55
************

We had been cordially invited to join the grand minister of southern Silencia for dinner. Well . . . I hadn't been invited, per say. Rather the attendance of all three of my guardians had been specifically requested, and despite my attempts to persuade otherwise they wouldn't allow me to stay behind on my own. 

"The dinner will be a very formal event, so I took the opportunity to have a dress delivered for you to wear that evening." Lena noted, as she went about my room packing the items she deemed I would need for the five days that they would be away from the manor. "I had it sent ahead as I didn't want to risk it getting damaged or dirtied in the trip north. This way it will be perfectly pristine for you to wear." 

I dreaded the thought of what Lena might have had made specifically for me. If it was for a formal Silencian dinner, I had no frame of reference to pull from in regards to customs or formality. I quickly decided it wasn't worth thinking about; as I had a feeling there were much more pressing matters ahead that would require the energy of my attention, and my dread. 

"The entire thing will be a two days journey to the estate, a full day and night there, and then two days travel back, so we'll need to make sure to pack for you, accordingly." My guardian mused, going about my dressers from drawer to drawer, picking and choosing items as she saw fit. 

As she moved through my drawers, eventually came the moment I knew well enough would happen. Stopping at my "Padding drawer", Lena briefly mused over the choices available to her, before picking a specific diaper out, turning around, and handing it to me. "Christina? Be a doll and get yourself changed while I finish packing, wouldn't you dear?" 

'Be a doll'. The words irked me past their meaning. I had long grown tired of being Lena's to play dress up. Though, I'd also long grown used to that reality. 

It wasn't any use arguing. Lena had already informed me I'd be making the trip in diapers. 'We'll be traveling through the night, and surely come bed time, you'd rather get changed before hand instead of needing to get changed in the cabin in front of everyone else?' she had previously argued. She was right after all. It was the lesser of the two evils. 

But even if I wasn't going to argue my way out of this, I could at least do something to improve my current situation. "Can . . . you give me some privacy for a minute?" I stammered, trying to collect my words. "Y-you said that if I changed before we left, it would mean that I wouldn't have to do it in front of anyone." I pointed out as innocently as possible. I didn't want my guardian think I was trying to be difficult.

Lena smiled over at me and my nervous demeanor, seeming to relish how shy I was about the entire ordeal. A small part of me still hated the way she looked at me like that, but more and more I was happy that she wasn't upset with me. Shifting my gaze up to see her full reaction, I met her eyes and for a moment I felt an odd amount of kindness emanating from them. 

"Of course you can, darling. Here, while you do that, why don't I go check on the other girls and see how the rest of the packing is going?" She suggested with a gentle tone.

I let out an internal sigh of relief. Part of me expected to either be denied outright, be forced into some kind of compromise, or for Lena to at least draw the entire thing for her own amusement before agreeing. Instead, I muttered a quick thank you under my breath. Staying as quiet as possible, almost as if being too loud would shatter the spell of my guardian's kindness. 

Lena gave a quick renewed smile, before placing down the bag she had previously been packing and walking toward my bedroom door. "I'll be back in ten minutes, okay Chrissy?" She warned, though more like a gentle caution for my own benefit, than any kind of disciplinary threat. 

I nodded my head in understanding, still keeping my eyes to the floor as she walked away, closing the door behind her. Once she was gone I continued to just stand there, padding in hand. Looking past the floor as I mindlessly came to grips with my current reality. There were no thoughts or processing going through my head. Only quiet reconciliation. A moment of silence I afforded myself, if for no other reason than because in this instant, it was nice to not think about everything.

But as that moment passing and the ticking clock of Lena's return weighing my mind, I quickly started to undress myself, and get changed per my guardian's request. As I did, I had the thought . . . Lena mentioned she was going to check on the other house staff to check on the progress of their packing, why was Lena seeing to my bags personally instead of having the staff, or even Cynthia do it? At first I thought maybe she was relishing my embarrassed and frustrated reactions, or even just enjoying pulling me about like her personal play thing. But, I thought back to her kind smile and sincere understanding of wanting to get changed in private . . . maybe she did it herself so that I wouldn't have to have anyone else see or pack the items I was more embarrassed about? Was Lena maybe taking it upon herself . . . to protect me? 

I quickly finished getting myself changed. And as I looked down at the padding between my legs. It was very light pink, decorated on the front with the faux embroidered pattern of a bow. I thought more about that idea. 'Protection' . . . Lena had saved me from a fate in prison, protected me from the harsh realties of having to fend for myself in this new world. Even now, being forced to wear diapers, maybe all she was doing was protecting me from myself, from my own body that I couldn't control. Heavy handed, for sure . . . but, was everything that she had done, just maybe her way of being kind?

Lost in the insane possibility of the notion, it hadn't occurred to me just how much time had passed until I was forced into that realization by Lena's sudden return. The door swung open and my face turned a previously undiscovered shade of red as I scrambled to throw my skirt back up around my waist to cover my exposed diaper. It wasn't even close, Lena had more than a full view of everything before I had the chance to preserve even the idea of my own decency. 

Lena simply laughed amusedly at the whole display. "Oh, I'm sorry darling. I should have knocked, I just didn't think it'd take you so long." She said, innocently. I agreed, she should have knocked. 

"I hope it's not taking you so long because you're having any troubles." Lena continued as I silently went about straightening my outfit, and tucking my blouse back into my skirt. The insinuation was humiliating, but what else was new?

Finally settled on my outfit, I sat up in the middle of my bed, silently pouting out of frustration in Lena's direction. She looked back at me amusedly. There was a silent understanding between us both. Myself; frustrated and annoyed by her coming in and embarrassing me like that, and her; unapologetically rigid, knowing that she warned me how long I had well ahead of time. After sharing that long glance for a few moments, Lena broke the silent conversation with her own observation. "Well, at least I don't have to check you to make sure you did as I asked." She noted. 

I let out a loud groan of exasperation, and let myself fall face first into the mattress. I felt like a teenager being pestered by their overbearing parent. Though, even if it was only in my own head, the comparison scared me more than I would have liked. 

"Okay, well it looks like you're all set for us to leave, so why don't you collect yourself in the main hall. I'll finish up here, and we can be ready to leave soon after." Lena offered.

I picked myself up from my bed and nodded in agreement. Waiting in the main hall did sound better than lingering here, trapped in this web of humiliation. I stood up and flattened out my skirt one last time, making the mistake of pressing a bit too hard, enough to crinkle the padding underneath, probably not loud enough for anyone around me to hear, but audible to my ears nonetheless. Reminded once more of my shame, I stood up as straight as I could, and left Lena to the rest of the packing. Though as I passed, Lena had one last thing. "Oh, and for what it's worth, Christina," She said as I approached the entrance to the hallway. "You looked adorable." 

My cheeks flooded with warmth as her compliment struck me every which way. Finding myself victim to a new way of being flustered, I quickly averted my eyes before picking up my pace and rushing out the door. Once on the other side of the wall away from Lena, I realized just how little I understood how her comments me feel. Embarrassed, for sure. . . but, insulted? Annoyed? Belittled? . . . Happy? 

I quickly pushed the thought far from my mind. Embarrassed. I could manage Embarrassed. And even if I did feel in some small way good about it, it was probably just because she refrained from something else that could have been negative. I didn't want to think anymore about any of it.

As I made my way downstairs, entering the grand hall I saw Rowan already waiting with what looked like most of our luggage, speaking to someone who stood with their back turned in my direction. As I made my way closer, and my footsteps echoed throughout the grand hall, the two of them heard me approaching. Rowan turning his head and locked eyes with me in acknowledgement, and the other figure turned around, revealing himself as I approached. 

It was who I immediately recognized as Christopher, the Silencian official whom I had the pleasure of meeting weeks ago during my trip with Lena to the treasurers office in the capital. The same place where I had found all my family's possessions boxed up and carted away. The same day even, that I had met Hazel. This was also the same Christopher who, thus far, been the only Silencian to treat me with even a modicum of the respect I had used to be given. 

"Ah! There you are, Christina." Rowan called out.

Christopher, now having turned fully to face me, smiled as I approached. "Miss Christina, it's lovely to see you again." He said, giving me a formal bow as he spoke, offering a his outstretched hand. Just as he had done the first time we had met.

Suddenly my mind raced as I scrambled to reciprocate Christopher's gesture. I scuffled into a disorganized curtsy as quickly as I could, lowering my head in an attempt to hide my frantic composure. It was only with my gaze lowered that I realized that in my panicked state, I left Christopher's open hand empty and waiting. But in the time it took me to realize my mistake, the moment had passed. I looked up to to see Christopher rising from his own bow, reaching back to readjust his tie while chuckling to himself in what I was sure was both polite manners, and mild confusion. 

Still deep in my own bow, I jolted back up, my composure getting stiff after that embarrassing display. How pathetic was I that I couldn't even get that tiny interaction right?

"It's very nice to see you as well, sir." I responded sheepishly. I was slightly confused as to why Christopher was here in the first place, but I had to assume he needed to settle some business with the Southgards before we left for Silencia.

"Ah, yes I had forgotten that you two had met at least once before. That was quite the eventful day, if I remember correctly." Rowan said aloud. "Well, hopefully that will make things easier. I'm not sure if Lena told you, Christina. . . but Mr. Norrington will be traveling north with us for the week. You'll get to know him even better over the next few days, I expect." 

For a moment I wondered who Mr. Norrington was, and why I cared that that he would be traveling with us. But as a dry silence hung in the air, Rowans expectant look queued me in that Norrington was obviously Christopher's last name. 

My eye's widened with the realization, both the obvious one, and the the implication that came after. "Oh!" I squeaked, understanding the proximity in which we would be spending with Christopher for the next few days.

Likely hoping to help usher past the awkward moment I found myself in, Christopher spoke up in good spirits. "Don't worry. I know the space is snug, but I'm sure we'll make the most of it." He said with a calming smile.

I took a moment to consider his words. "Wait, so you're going to be traveling with us, the entire time? In the same tiny carriage?" 

"Oh, no don't worry Christina." Calmed Rowan. "We won't be taking our normal day carriage for this. We have a specialty Silencian stagecoach for just these kinds of long trips."

My curiosity was piqued by the mention of a special form of transportation when I heard two sets of foot steps approaching from behind me. Christopher's attention was quickly drawn past me, and something in his eyes lit up differently as he took a tiny breath in. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw that the source of it all was the entrance of my other two guardians, each with bags in hand.

"Cynthia." Christopher remarked in a single breath, standing up straight. "It's good to see you again." 

Cynthia reacted with something half between a chuckle and a sigh, turning her eyes down for just a moment before catching herself and picking her chin back up. "Christopher. It's been a while, you look . . . you look well." she said, her tone nearly slipping into something more foreign to me. But the way she looked at him, I saw something in her, or rather the lack of something. Having spent so much time under her gaze, the quiet snide glint in her eye that I had grown so used had been replaced by something more composed, almost restrained.

Just as the small moment between the two of them started to linger, Rowan ushered us forward with a clasp of his hand on my shoulder, and remarked over toward his wife and life long friend. "Well, now that we're all here, it seems we're just about ready to go then, Yes?" 

**********************************

As we were collecting ourselves by the carriage sweep in front of the main entrance, work to secure our bags and the final preparation for our departure began. The carriage was much longer than our normal one I'd ridden in thus far. Long and sleek, and seemingly slight taller than usual. Painted black with two doors on each side, three windows in the main section, and another on the drivers cabin. Another smaller cabin at the back seemingly entirely for luggage, but fully enclosed rather than an open air luggage rack. Four horses harnessed together hauling the massive coach, Veric was seeing to the horses and their harnesses, ensuring everything was secured, and Cynthia with one of the other maids quickly saw to Christopher's and the Southgard's luggage, securing it in the back. At first I simply sat and waited for the attendants to make their way to me. But within moments my expectations were disrupted by none other than Cynthia, who, rather than carry it to the back loading area of the carriage, wordlessly placed what I could only assume was my own travel bag down in front of me. 

When I asked why mine couldn't be loaded in by Cynthia or one of the other staff girls, I was told in no uncertain terms; "Christopher is a guest of this family, and thus we treat him as such. You, Christina, are for the time being, a member of this family, and thus will behave as such."

The sorceress looked down upon me in a terrifyingly familiar fashion. "Don't make me tell you again."

The task was humiliating . . . and I did it without complaint. 

Once upon a time being forced to carry around and load my own luggage might have been one of the most demeaning experiences of my life, but now as the diaper hidden beneath my skirt remained a constant presence, it barely even cracked top ten. Honestly the fact that the bags contents undoubtably contained more diapers was more of a weight on my mind than the fact I was being forced to carry it myself. I think I might have been more stressed if someone else had to carry my bag, at the risk of them opening it and seeing what was inside.

Pulling my bag over to the back of the coach, I stopped in front of one of the maid girls who had just finished loading one of Lena's bags. The luggage cabin was a solid three feet off the ground, and my bag wasn't exactly the lightest thing in the world. I stood there for a moment, hoping the girl, I believe who's name was Wendy, would offer me some assistance loading it in. Instead she simply gave me a blank stare, before walking past me, presumably to attend to someone else's bag.

I stood there for a moment, thinking about trying to load it in myself. My mind wandered to my skirt, and the bulk beneath it, trying to bend over and secure my travel bag in the carriage, I had no way of knowing if my skirt was long enough to completely cover the diaper hidden beneath, or if anyone in view would get a clear look the bottom of my padding peaking out as I struggled with my task.

"Here, let me help you with that." Called a voice that pulled me back down to earth. 

My breath sharpened to catch up with my chest's single skipped beat as I turned to see Damien approach to offer his assistance. 

Without giving anyone the chance to respond, he rushed over and grabbed my bag, quickly loading it into the coach with ease. His strength from gardening proved how trivial the task really was. He pulled a securing strap around the luggage, and fastened it securely to the rest of the bags. Taking a step back he turned his head and locked eyes with me. We shared a moment of silence before he reached for the back of his neck with a sudden laugh. "Apologies, that was a bit sudden. . . You just looked like you could use the help." 

I couldn't help but smile as my eyes found sudden interest in my feet. "No, please, you were right. Thank you for that, actually." I said sheepishly. 

Damien seemed to quickly regain his own confidence, as he relaxed his posture once more. "Of course." He smiled back at me. "I suppose I shouldn't be a distraction as you all prepare to leave, so I'll bid you Adieu." Lowering his head in a bow, he then took my hand ever so gently in his own. "Safe travels, Christina." He said, before offering the smallest kiss to the back of my hand, so small it was likely that nobody other than myself would have even noticed. 

I stood there, motionless as Damien released my palm, and walked away, back to his regular duties. Lost for a moment, I looked past the Carriage sweep, off to the fields and trees in the distance of the estate. 

But as reality caught back up to me a quick wave of anxiety fell over me. I looked back to my travel party. Everyone was seemingly preoccupied, but I had no way of knowing how much of my moment with Damien was witnessed by the rest of them with my back turned the way it was. For half a second I let myself blush, before quickly trotting over to Lena's side, waiting to be instructed further on where to be and what to do.

The inside of the coach was actually quite nice. Unlike the standard cushioned benches that I had been accustomed to riding in, the inside consisted of two rows of dedicated seats facing towards each other. Each seat consisting of it's own arm and headrests, and generously cushioned for the long ride ahead. While all still connected closely together, each headrest were winged in such a way to allow you to rest the side of your head against them without risking falling onto the traveler next to you. In between the two rows of seats, a low table was built between into the floor, with enough space between our legs and the table that we could have sat down the ground if we so wanted. Lastly anchored to the celling of the carriage, draw curtains were pinned near each window, seeming to be drawn to provide each isle some privacy while they slept. 

Once all of our bags were secured and Veric was completing his final checks, Lena helped me in to the carriage first. I tried not to think about the possibility that the rest of our traveling part might be getting an up skirted view of what I was wearing underneath, but the thought had nowhere to go but linger in the back of my mind as I shuffled my way over to the furthest seat in the front facing row. Once we were all situated in the carriage, Lena ended up taking the seat directly across from me, with Christopher ended up beside me to my left. Cynthia filled out the last seat in our row, and Rowan sat next to Lena across from us. The only thing left was to wait for Veric to finish his last touches, and get us moving. 

Despite the generous amount of room afforded by the luxury coach, I felt trapped by the proximity to my guardians. Not only that, but the inside of the carriage was so quiet, I was positive even the slightest move would make the diaper hidden beneath my skirt crinkle loud enough for anyone to hear. So I stayed still, and silent was we patiently waited.

After some time, I couldn't keep my eyes to myself and began to nervously spare glances to the others around me. Looking briefly toward my side, I saw that Christopher was passively tapping his thumbs against each other, letting his eyes wander a little too casually, while Cynthia sat nearly motionless, looking at the empty seat in front of her with purpose and determination. 

After another few moments Rowan spoke up. "Now, Christina. While we're on the road, we recommend you stay seated. We have the table for meals, or some games if we're feeling up to it, and if you really need to stretch you can always stand up for a short bit, but in case we hit any unexpected bumps in the road, we wouldn't want you getting hurt. We'll make one stop tomorrow morning to replace our horses, that way we can keep moving at a steady pace, but other than that, the only other stop will be at my family's manor tomorrow night. If you need anything badly from any of your bags, Cynthia should be able to conjure it for us, so long as you ask nicely. Any questions?" 

I suppose I did appreciate his debrief, and I wondered if we would actually end up playing any games over the next thirty-six hours or so. Somehow I doubted it. "No. . . Thank you." I replied quietly, wanting to draw as little attention to myself as I possibly could.

Thankfully, I didn't have to wait much longer until we heard the sharp crack of Veric's crop, and the carriage sprung to life. Thirty-six hours and counting. Thank god we were on the move at last.

**********************************

The trip was long, and I hated it. Hours would go by, and thankfully minus a few attempts by Lena at engaging with me in conversation, my guardians mostly kept themselves entertained. Making idle chatter, talking about their political work, catching up with Christopher, I wasn't paying very much attention. The strange tension between Cynthia and Christopher seemed to have faded away rather quickly, though not entirely, simple conversation between them would often peter out at the strangest moments. I wasn't sure what it was, but as far as I could gather these two had some kind of history, though Lena and Rowan either didn't notice, or were treating it like it was completely normal to them. 

 But now, the sunset outside the cabin windows was slowly retreating into darkness. At this point, Christopher and Cynthia had already drawn their privacy curtains and fallen asleep. Rowan sat across from me, gripping Lena's hand, so motionless that I wondered if he had also fallen asleep. While Lena peacefully held a book in her free hand, and read silently, curtain half drawn so the rays of the setting sun wouldn't shine into either hers or Rowans eyes, but also having the effect of obscuring her from most of my view

I on the other hand, was doing everything I could to not fall asleep. Despite the crippling boredom, and the lethargy that was slowly taking hold after sitting down for the last twelve hours, I fought against everything to keep my eyes open and my senses sharp. Truth be told, it wasn't that I was nervous, uncomfortable, or on edge. . . . I was terrified of having an accident in my sleep. Despite the protection that my guardians had forced me to wear for the entire thing, I knew that if I woke up wet, Lena would demand I change. Ever since that realization, looking at the table between the two rows, I had waking nightmares of Lena lying me down in the center of it, and changing me in front of the entire party. I refused to let that happen. All I needed to do was stay awake.

As I was locked in my own mind, battling against my fear, and my fatigue, I was surprised to see Lena's curtain get pushed back, revealing her fully to me. She had let go of Rowan hand, which had fallen limp over his armrest, and slowly shifted herself forward. Now kneeling on the floor in front of her seat, she leaned towards me as she whispered softly enough as to not wake anyone else. 

"Having trouble sleeping, darling?" 

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, the motion letting off a quiet crinkling sound that reminded me of the entire reason I was keeping myself awake. "Something like that."

Lena looked at me with kind eyes, different than the doting overbearing presence I had seen most of her so far today. She reached off to the side of her seat, to the small bag I knew was the emergency diaper bag she packed for me just incase. Suddenly my heartrate spiked as I was terrified of what she was going to pull out. But then, much to my surprise, held in her hands was Arthur, the stuffed bear Lena had bought for me, the bear I had been sleeping with every night for the last month.

"I thought, with it being your first night away from home since you started living with us, you might have a hard time adjusting. So I packed Arthur, just in case you needed some help sleeping." 

Lena leaned further over the dividing table, and placed Arthur into my lap. "I am sorry if you would have liked him sooner, I thought I would wait until the others had fallen asleep to give him to you. I didn't want to risk embarrassing you." 

I held Arthur in my lap, motionless. Lena's voice was too hushed from whispering to understand her intentions completely, but as I looked up at her, she continued. "I know that this week is probably going to be harder for you than usual, sweetheart. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, okay? If there's anything I can do to make you feel better, so long as you're on your best behaviour, I'll do everything I can. Okay?"

Listening to her words, I thought to how she put herself in charge of packing my bags instead of Cynthia or any of the other staff, she likely made me in charge of loading my own luggage instead of risking it with someone else, maybe even helping me into the cabin first was her letting herself stand in the way of others seeing my diaper from underneath? And now as she was trying to do everything she could to softly comfort me, and keep me from humiliating myself. . . I slowly put Arthur down beside me, and shifted my body forward until I was kneeling on the floor in front of my seat, mirroring Lena. Even in the pale moon light I could see the confusion on her face grow, but I kept shifting forward, until I was close enough to slowly wrap my arms around Lena. Clinging to her as the only stable thing in this rickety carriage ride. 

Lena, clearly surprised by my embrace, only took a moment before embracing me in turn, wrapping her arms around me, gently stroking my head. "Oh, there we go, darling. You're too sweet. Don't worry, I've got you." 

The entire thing only lasts a few moments, before Lena draws back, and I retreated quietly in my seat, picking Arthur back up, and holding him close. Lena on the other hand, stands up instead, before leaning over to my window, taking the edge of my curtain in one hand. "Sweet dreams, Christina." She said, before quietly drawing my curtain in front of me.

A few moments later I heard the sharp scrape of her own curtain being drawn in turn, and I knew that I was alone for the rest of the night. 

'Stay awake. Stay awake. . .' I told myself. But despite my best efforts, as I now held Arthur, his soft fur warm against my chest, the dark black curtain swaying gently as the carriage itself rocked back and fourth down the dirt path road, and the soft cushion a perfect rest for my head, I slowly found it getting harder to discern when my eyes were closed and when they were open. 'You can do it, just . . . stay . . . awake.' I thought to myself in vain. The last thing I remembered was thinking back to my slow soft embrace with Lena. After she had done so much to help me, it just felt right, didn't it? As the last gasps of consciousness faded from my mind I asked myself, did I hug her because I wanted it, or because it's what I thought she wanted. . . 

Did it matter? 

************
Day 56
************

I realized that my eyes had been closed, only now that it was clear they were open. Light from the cabin windows bleeding through the black fabric curtain. As I tried to adjust my vision I recognized just how blurry it was. Rubbing the sleep from my eye, my joints stiff and metal faculties weak, I realized I was waking up from a dreamless sleep.

Pushing myself up in my seat, I heard the shuffling sounds of others within the cabin that told me I wasn't the first person to wake. I also feel the soft push of the padding between my legs, and I remember why exactly I was so terrified of falling asleep in the first place. 

I jolted forward in panic, instinctively reaching my hand over to my diaper, only to slam my elbow into the side of the carriage wall instead. 

"Ow!" I groan, involuntarily. "Shit . . ." I mutter, both at my pain, as well as my complete and utter failure at any kind of attempt at stealth. 

"Christina! Language!" I hear Lena call out from behind my curtain. "I hope you're okay darling, but please. . .  I hope we don't have to worry about your mouth while we're with company this trip." She chastised. 

"I'm sorry!" I called back while gripping my bruised arm. "I'm fine, don't worry!" 

With my pain slowly dying down, and my mind now much more awake because of it, I more carefully reached back down, and checked myself as quietly as I could to ensure I hadn't had an accident. Thankfully as I gave myself a once over, I didn't feel any amount of significant squish, or moisture. I finally let go a sigh of relief. By some miracle, today was one of the rare days that I woke up dry.

Now that I was more at ease, I took a deep breath in before pulling back my curtain to face the rest of my travel companions.

While everyone looked a little lethargic, I was genuinely surprised by how put together the entire group was. Somehow Rowan's hair was still pristine as normal, they had each somehow changed into new clothes while I was asleep, and looked largely refreshed, if a little cooped up.

"Good morning, Christina." Rowan greeted before continuing. "I'm glad you're awake. Veric has let us know that we crossed the old Silencian boarder during the night, and we're roughly ten minutes out from our first stop. We'll take some time to stretch our legs, get our bearings, while Veric changes out the horses. Once we're done that, we'll be continuing straight on until we reach my family's estate. Sounds good?" He asked, I wasn't exactly sure why but I nodded in agreement anyway. A break from travel sounded nice. 

Stumbling out of the carriage into the morning sun was more disorienting than I expected. My legs wobbled even after Veric helped me from the cabin as suddenly I had to recon with the fact that for the first time in the last twenty-four hours, the ground wasn't actually moving beneath my feet. I struggled with keeping my balance, but thankfully for my dignity I managed to keep myself upright. Christopher and the rest of my guardians had already started off in their own directions, the boys heading off towards the nearest bathroom in town, Veric seeing to the stable boy who was unlatching the horses from the cart, and Cynthia who found herself leaned up against a tree, cool and collected as always.

Unsure of where I should go, I scanned the area for Lena. This proved unnecessary as not a moment passed when Lena tapped my on the shoulder herself. 

"Christina, dear. Come with me, would you?" She 'asked'. I obeyed. 

We walked a few few to the back wheel of the coach, just slightly out of earshot of everyone else with us, I noted. Lena then turned around, crouching over and resting her hands on her knee's. Suddenly I knew I was about to be spoken down to even more than usual. "Now, I'll need to check your diaper to make sure you didn't have an accident last night, okay?"

I had a feeling something like this would happen, but even prepared I couldn't stop myself from getting flustered. "No, it's okay I promise. I didn't have an accident last night, I checked myself, I swear!" I tried to reason. 

Lena's look of maternal disbelief told me we were beyond reason. "Okay, darling. That was very responsible of you, but I'll still need to check just to be sure." 

My face exploded with heat as I had a feeling I'd reached a new shade of red. My eyes darted around to the rest of our travel party scattered around the area, and I panicked. 'Why is she doing this?' I asked myself. 

"I don't need a change, I promise. . . . Can't you please just believe me?" I pouted, doing my best not to cause a scene. I felt ridiculous, like I was slotting into the exact roll she wanted of me. At the very least I was slightly grateful that Lena had pulled me away from all the others, but not nearly far enough.

Lena gave me yet another condescending look that made me want to scream. "Honey, sometimes it can be really hard to tell if your diaper is just a little bit wet from a small accident, and I know you didn't drink nearly enough water yesterday while we were travelling, so I wouldn't be surprised at all if that was the case." 

I threw my face in my hands as my knees buckled inward half way through her words. I couldn't stand what she was suggested. I also couldn't stand that it wasn't impossible that she was right.

"And if that's the case, and we still have to travel for the rest of the day. . . . Well you know how I feel about you getting a rash." Lena said with a sickeningly sweet tone. Or at least, it made me sick. 

I pulled my hands away from my face, just barely holding back a sudden swell of tears. I opened my mouth to plead once more, before Lena held a finger to my words, and continued with her own.

"Now, you can either be a good girl for me, and let me check you . . . Or we can assume the worst, and get your butt changed right now just to be safe." She spoke down to me, her tone reminding me how little of a choice I really had. 

In the back of my head, I wondered. What if I just said no? What if I refused? 'I could take a stand and not let Lena have her way with me for once.' But even as I considered it, my eyes drifted to remind me why that exact idea was pointless. Cynthia, right there, leaning against the tree a few meters away. Even if I refused and tried to stop Lena from doing anything to me, Cynthia would be here in an instant, and force me to submit either way. At that point, it would just turn into a show for everyone to see. I was their plaything, and I agreed to it. Nobody was coming to save me.

Besides if I refused Lena, so far away from home, away from the few friends I had like Hazel and Damien, I'd be loosing the only person who seemed to care about me in any way. If I made things too difficult for Lena, she might just pawn me off on Cynthia. That would be whole other special kind of hell.

Looking back to make eye contact with Lena, I quickly turned my gaze back down to the ground and gave a small nod. At least she was kind enough to give me a choice.

Lena smiled happily to herself. "Good girl. Now hold still."

Lena didn't miss a beat before getting right into it. She cupped her hand, before slipping it under my skirt and firmly over the front of my diaper. Giving a very gentle squeeze, she slid her hand further down to the lowest point between my legs. After another small squeeze she then stood back up, and spun me around by my shoulders, turning me so my back was facing her. I felt her again slip beneath my skirt as she placed her hand on my diapered butt. I did my best forcing myself to be anywhere other than here, just waiting for it all to be over.

In what seemed to be one last check from Lena, I felt more her lift the back of my skirt with one hand, before without warning, she slipped two fingers into the side of my diaper just below my crotch, feeling the inside of the padding more directly. 

I yelped involuntarily, startled by the sudden feeling of Lena's skin against my own in such a private way. Jumping back from her, I spun around to glare angrily at my guardian, only to realize, the only thing I achieving in this moment was I was successfully making a scene. My eyes darted around in panic, but thankfully only one person had seemed to notice my sudden outburst. Cynthia, still leaning against a nearby tree, now had her eyes focused once again on me. The snide glint in her eyes more visible than ever, as she looked me mid sip from her travel flask, giving me a single wink before looking away. 

"Okay, looks like you're in the clear." Lena spoke up, pulling my attention back to her. "Thank you for listening to me, Christina. And I'm very proud of you for waking up dry as well." 

Using the crook of my elbow I covered my face once more, this time out of frustration more than anything else. I couldn't even tell if I had won or lost, what did that even mean anymore?

Giving myself only a second, I spoke up. "C-can I please just go use the bathroom in town now?" In truth I was terrified by my own ask. Lena wouldn't just tell me to use my diaper, would she? Surely not. . .

Lena on the other hand giggled at my request like it was the silliest thing she'd heard all day. "Of course you can, dear. I think Rowan and Christopher went off to do the same, why don't we go find them together, okay?" 

Suddenly, I felt silly for even thinking she might say no. After all she had done to help me save face recently, maybe it was rude that I expected so little of her. Lena offered me her hand, and I quickly accepted it, as I could slowly feel the heat in my cheeks retreating. Following her off to find the others, I realized; in such a strange new place . . . I would rather be closer to her than not.