3yo: Can you open the car windows so the rain can love me?

Me: What are you doing in the silverware drawer?

3yo: I'm looking for something.

Me (singing): Everybody's looking for something. / Some of them want a fork. / Some of them want to use a spoon.

3yo: And I want both!

1yo: Bounce. Again.

Me: What do you say when you ask for something?

1yo: *Shifts.*

Me: What do you say?

1yo: No. I farted.

Me: Do you want to bounce again?

1yo: No! I said that.

Me: ...You just wanted to bounce to get the farty farts out?

1yo: Yeah!

3yo (running over to Husband with a gun catalog she found in the junkmail pile): Read it, Daddy! Read it to me!

Arguing in the Wawa (convenience store) parking lot:

1yo: Wawa.

3yo: No Wawa.

1yo: Wawa.

3yo: No! No Wawa!

1yo: Wawa!

3yo: It's a dangerous world, if you keep saying that.

1yo: I love Wawa!

Husband: We caught another one.

Me (sighing): How many mice are in this house? How many are still here?

3yo: Two! They're in the ground, digging a hole, so they can go see their Mommy.

Me: Stop touching my boobs. That's my body.

3yo: I have boobs, too! Do you want to see them? They're little.

Me: When you grow up you will go through puberty to get a grown up body, and they will grow bigger.

3yo: And bouncy! I will have bouncy boobs! And yours will get small.

3yo: Mommy, the sky... The blue is up. It's wake up time.

3yo: We are going to go get Chinese food! And then we are going to eat it, and go to bed, and wake up Chinese like my friend!

3yo (singing while playing with her kitchen set): The duck is on the pan / The duck is on the pan / Hi-ho the derry-o / The duck is on the pan!

Husband: Behold! Yon free turkey!

Me: Yon?

Husband: Yeah.

Me: What is Yon?

Husband: ...

Me: I have seen labels bragging about GMO-free and antibiotic-free but I have never heard of Yon-free.

Husband: Yon. Short for yonder?

Me: Ohhhhhhhh.

Me: Where are your shoes? Did you put them away yesterday?

3yo: I think a dinosaur ate them.

3yo: Tickle 1yo!

1yo: Tickle!

Me: Do you want me to tickle you?

1yo: No. Tickle Sissy!

3yo (diligently licking Cheerios and sticking them to her palm in the shape of a smiley face): Mommy, look! It's a happy werewolf!

3yo: Mommy! I want... something!

Me: I don't know what that means.

3yo: You know... Something with stuff in it.

1yo: *Wakes up crying.*

Me: Good morning! Are you hungry? Do you want to nurse?

1yo: Book. No nurse. Read book.

3yo: I'm gonna drive.

Me: Do you know how?

3yo: Yeah!

Me: Can you reach the pedals?

3yo: ...

3yo: I got one!

Me: Can you reach both pedals while holding the steering wheel and looking out the window?

3yo: ...No.

3yo: I will sit here and grow.

Me: Apologize to your sister.

3yo: I'm sorry, 1yo.

Me: For what?

3yo: I'm sorry I punched you.

Me: Do you forgive her, 1yo?

1yo: Umm... No. Bye bye.

Husband (while changing 3yo's diaper): Wow. That is a massive poop.

3yo: And beautiful!

3yo: I have an oven mitt!

Me: An oven mitt?

3yo: Yes! That's what people wear these days!

3yo: I want scritchies!

Me: Okay. *Scratches her behind the ears.*

3yo: No, Mommy. Square! Cheese!

Me: Ohhhh. American or Swiss?

1yo: Swiss! Cheeeeeeese!

Me: Did you sleep well?

3yo: Yes. I had good dreams and killing planets didn't wake me up.

Me: ...killing planets? Are you killing planets or are they planets that kill things?

3yo: They kill planets.

Me: Like in Star Wars.

3yo: No. Star Wars only kills circle planets.

1yo (pointing to a dragon on Husband's shirt): Dragon!

Husband: That's right! Dragon!

1yo (pointing to a dragon statue): Dragon!

Husband: Yes!

1yo (alternating dragons): Dragon! Dragon!

Husband: Yes!

1yo (pointing to me): DRAGON!

3yo: Yay! This is a lot great!

1yo: Shoe!

Husband: Yes! But it will be a while before those fit you, if ever. Daddy has really big feet.

1yo: I have baby feet!

3yo: No way!

1yo: Way!

3yo: No way!

1yo: Way!

3yo: Yes way!

1yo: Stop it!

Me: *Holding 1yo.*

1yo: Let go! My body!

3yo: Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out.

Husband: No, it's "Awoooooo!"

3yo: Ouuuuuuuuuut!

Babylon 5 Intro: But in 2260, it became something greater: our last best hope for victory.

3yo: Not victory! Peace! I really love that part!

Me: Good job! High five!

1yo: Too slow!

Me: Some grown ups will still be worried today. Is it your fault?

3yo: No.

Me: That's right. Why are they worried?

3yo: Because the voting. I will tell them "It will be okay" and give them a big hug.

My 3yo got very excited about the 2020 Presidential Election and kept commandeering my phone in an attempt to send video recordings to Biden:

3yo: Hi, Joe! I'm me! I want to show you this! *Dances as only a 3yo can.*

Me: What movie do you want to watch?

3yo: The airplane one!

Me: What airplane movie?

3yo: The airplane movie that has no airplanes in it.

3yo: I love dessert! It's not disgusting!

Me: 1yo, what is your name?

1yo: Umm... Sis. Ter.

Me: God bless... Who would you like to bless?

1yo: God bess... Mommy.

Me: Thank you. Who else?

1yo: God bess... Daddy.

Me: That's a good one. Anyone else?

1yo: God bess... Sissy.

Me: Another good blessing. Anyone else?

1yo: No. Get over here. Nurse. Now.